Love Comes.

"Love comes when manipulation stops; when you think more about the other person than about his or her reactions to you. When you dare to reveal yourself fully, when you dare to be vulnerable. To love at all is to be vulnerable. ~ C.S. Lewis

Okay. So first of all, I think we can all agree that C.S. Lewis was an insanely incredible man. His unique views and rare takes on life always leave me challenging my own thoughts and perceptions on this strange world. I am indeed a strong advocate for this man and think that everyone sometime in their life should read at least one C.S. Lewis book. Man, to have a mind like his..........

One could easily assume that the quote above is talking about two lovers, and while I don't disagree with that, I certainly don't think that two lovers is all this quote is limited to. I see so much more within those three sentences. I see myself and my daily struggle of loving people with genuine intention. Loving people is hard sometimes and there are definitely people that are hard to love. It's something that I triumph in and it's something that I fail in, much more the latter unfortunately. But I try, because I believe everyone deserves love.

My deepest desire is that my love be REAL & GENUINE, reaching out to the ones who are walking along side me, and just as important, the ones who are not. This is never an easy standard for me to live up to though because I have been instilled with fear each time someone has not accepted my love. I have learned that loving passionately doesn't always mean that you will be passionately loved back and that is a hard thing. C.S. Lewis challenges us with the idea that love will come when we focus more on reaching out to someone simply because they deserve it, rather than focusing on their reactions (good or bad) towards us after extending our hearts to them. He thrives on the idea that love will come when we choose to take the risk of truly revealing our hearts to someone even if it means that we will experience hurt. He even suggests that we should be okay with this, this reality that we may get hurt. But he reveals to us that through all of this love will come...

..And I think he is right, love will come. Reflecting on the past brings me to this realization that LOVE COMES, always. I know that when I have loved out of the deepest part of my heart, a C.S. Lewis kind of love, I am always blessed from it even if the person on the recieveing end isn't or doesn't seem to show it. Loving people, though it can be very challenging sometimes, brings joy to my heart. It doesn't matter that I don't always feel loved in return, and though that can be hard sometimes, I can only hope that I had a positive influence in someone's life, even if for a moment. People do come around, it can take time, but sometimes there are stories of redemption, and that's what keeps me going. Everyone deserves to love and be loved and if by God's love He continues to give me the strength to keep on loving out of a genuine place, I will...because love comes, it truly does come.

I stumbled upon beautiful.

I stumbled upon beautiful the other day. Actually, I've been stumbling over beautiful a lot lately. The strange thing though is that it hasn't looked like the beautiful I've blindly come to accept in the past. It didn't look like the irrepressibly-thin model spread out on the page of that magazine. Nor did it look like Taylor Lautner in the latest movie of The Twilight Saga. And it didn't look like the girl walking out of the gym whose hair is still perfectly in place after an hour run or the guy who looks and smells like he just walked off a poster hanging in Hollister. It hasn't looked like any of this--the beautiful I'm used to obsessing over.

The father at church Sunday morning sharing his weaknesses and struggles in front of the entire church, completely unveiling himself to us and wanting to move forward. I stumbled upon beautiful. The elderly man at my boyfriend's church who asked for prayer & then poured out his heart before the Lord with tears rolling down his face. I stumbled upon beautiful. My friend who has experienced pain in such a deep way in her young life, yet still looks heavenward with a secure hope in her heart. I stumbled upon beautiful. The sweet little girl Sunday morning who sings to God at such a young and innocent age. I stumbled upon beautiful.

And that is what it looked liked. People who have endured so much in their lives and are willing to be imperfect, being REAL AND TRANSPARENT with themselves and those around them. They don't try and act like they have it all together and they don't hide behind a mask. Because this dehumanizing act of pretending we are perfect when we are not, what is so beautiful about this? And I am one of them, striving for an "unrealistic beautiful" has dominated a number of my days that I am not proud of. But God is patient with me and everyday He is opening my eyes to what he sees as beautiful...And I know he sees beautiful in their lives. They are the ones who show me beautiful, they remind me and for that I am thankful.

I think this quote sums up what I am trying to say...
"The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen."

For.The.Greater.

"Remember it is because He loves us that He waits. Immediate intervention would abort the far greater thing He has in mind. Trust Him for the greater ."~Elisabeth Elliot

I am a quote-a-holic. Actually, that four word statement(that is of course assuming quote-a-holic is one word) is probably much too vague when describing me. I'm more of a hastobethegreatestquoteever-a-holic, because it's true, I refuse to besiege one's mind with quotes like, "Don't let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game"(I mean most people that have ever read that quote don't even play sports, so it's really not even relevant to their lives, ya know?). The kind of quotes I love finding(...of course finding them by total accident, because what kind of loser spends precious time on Pinterest searching for great quotes??haha--*I'm working on it*) , it has to really spark some thought and insight on my part or I don't look twice( my theory is if it's really hard to understand, more than likely someone like Gandhi wrote it--not someone out on the field playing a a game of baseball--by the way I'm definitely just kidding, I'm sure there are plenty of great baseball/sport players out there whose minds are just as intelligent as any philosopher out there:D). Anywayyyys, my point really is that the quote above by Elisabeth Elliot has made my list of quotes & that says a lot.

On a more serious note...
This quote definitely sparked the thought and insight I enjoy challenging myself with. How does this quote apply to my life? How does it make a difference to me now that I have read it rather than if I had never stumbled upon it today? (Which just in case you were wondering, I really did JUST stumble upon it...I promise there was no Pinterest involved this time:D) After reading this quote a few times, all I could think of is how very fast time is going by. And it is. At a rate that I can't wrap my mind around and it kind of scares me. In almost exactly 4 months, I will have completed my junior year of high school and will be about to embark upon a summer of many changes. It will be the last summer before I graduate, it will be the summer my sister gets married, it will be the summer before my best friend goes off to college, no longer being able to see her practically everyday like I have been for the past 10 years. It will be a summer of traveling and serving and loving, but it's going to be a hard one. When did this happen? When did I start running out of time? When did I start growing up and start fearing the future? Because that is what's happening or at least has been until recently. I have grown up my whole life hearing "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future", but lately I have been so blind to that. I have been fearful because it feels like time is running out and I don't know what HIS plans are yet. I don't know what I am supposed to do or where I am supposed to go. I try to figure all of this out and yet still I end up in the same moment I was when I started out...

Last night, I pulled out an old box from underneath my bed & in it held 2 letters written by my 15 year-old self. Letters about my life at the time, struggles I was dealing with & joys that I had almost forgotten about. Reading them last night, almost 3 years later, it brought me to tears. I was so overwhelmed with what I was looking at on those pieces of notebook paper, and thinking about how far I have come since then was really bittersweet. But in that same moment, I was filled with hope for the future because in between the date written on those envelopes and the date on the screen of my phone lying there on the floor last night..in between it all lay 3 years of spells of waiting and outcomes of true greatness that have brought me to today. Last night, I was reminded that waiting doesn't mean you won't ever find or figure something out, it just means that something greater will come. Last night and then reading that quote today was such a needed reminder in my life. I am excited to see what the future holds, I am trusting Him for the greater.

Leave It All Behind & Embrace.

Tonight is not about reflecting on 2011. Of course I'll always keep the beauty tucked away within my heart and the scars just visible enough to remind me of what has made me stronger, but ultimately tonight is about embracing 2012. This morning I woke up after a long night spent with friends and family who all had the same longing as myself--hope for the year to come. Nine O' Clock came much too early for this night owl and to be quite honest rolling out of bed for church didn't seem all too appealing in that moment. Despite the way I felt and after hitting the snooze button a few more times( because let me tell you, 10 minutes longer does make ALL the difference), I finally surrendered the warmth and security of my cozy bed, decided that wearing my purple dress and brown boots would make it all worth it, and got ready in 30 minutes(which by the way is a milestone for me because it usually takes me twice as much time). I hopped in my car just like any other Sunday, rolled the windows down, turned David Crowder up to the max volume, ran the same stop sign I always do and wondered why I decided to go. I felt no different than I had the day before, what was the point? Today I woke up and made a decision, a decision to do something even though I didn't want to---and, seriously turned out to be the best decision I've made all year(literally:D). I was beyond blessed by this morning's church service. The message gently touched my heart and the challenge to leave it all behind had me on my knees at the alter surrounded by other precious lives that decided to take on this same challenge. The song playing in the backround spoke such powerful words and I know God brought healing to each of our hearts in just the right places. It was such a beautiful moment...
Today I walked out of the same doors of the same church I have walked out of every Sunday for the past 365 days. Today I found myself back to day 1 and walking out of those doors was different--a good different. And so that is what this new year is about, it is about the differences and beautiful moments in life. It is about waking up and doing things that  we don't want to do, yet maybe those things will be just the things we were meant to do and that make all the difference in our lives. It is about stepping outside of our comfort zones and risking everything we are to live passionately, and not just for ourselves, but for others. This year is about taking a step back and realizing that happiness does indeed lie within ourselves, but that that same happiness doesn't change a thing in our lives until it is shared with others, until it makes a difference in someone else's life. This year is about loving more no matter how hard it may be, laughing longer, opening our hearts up without reserves, letting people in no matter how scared we are, and embracing--embracing this crazy beautiful life. This year is about time. It is about taking it day by day and accepting the fact that life is short and fragile and that we aren't promised a tomorrow. This year is about counting our blessings and realizing that someone out there tonight has no hope and will continue for the next 364 days without hope unless we add others to our list of resolutions this year.

I believe in living and loving unequivocally. I believe that that driving with the volume up and the windows down(even if it messes up your hair) is totally worth it. I believe keeping Christmas lights strung up from your ceilng year round is perfectly acceptable. I believe camping out in your backyard with your bestfriends is the only way to spend summer nights. I believe in dancing until you can't dance anymore. I believe in running to the top of a hill just to watch the sunset(even though you can see it from the bottom). I believe in laughing until you cry. I believe in heart to hearts with your best friends. I believe in watching scary movies(even though I have to sleep with my sisters after). I believe in wearing a hoodie and jeans(when you really want to dress up) or the other way around--wearing a cute little dress and heels(when really you are dying to be comfortable). I believe in eating too many pretzel m & m's(and then feeling reallllly guilty about it). I believe in spraying 2 squirts of perfume instead of one. I believe in being late when the situation allows. I believe in being early too. I believe in singing at the top of my lungs no matter who hears me. I believe in painting your nails all one color except for one. I believe in life and the little things that make it beautiful. I believe EVERYONE deserves to experience their own LITTLE THINGS and I believe they should experience those things this year. I believe it starts with hope and that hope begins with us. It begins this new year--tonight.

This year is about embracing--ourselves and others.


Love the words to this song. Leave it all behind. I can do that this year...