This building we call a church.

***NOTE TO MY READERS: This post highly reflects my oppinion of this building I, we, and you call a church. Be aware that you may not like what I have to say(especially if you go to CFCOG), but also be aware that I do not care what you think of me after you read this.(People, I went to the grocery store last night in weather inappropriate clothing and listened to my music EXTREMELY loud with the windows down while an elder from my church was in the driving lane next to me, I simply do not care what others think of me). This is something that has been bothering me and so I'm blogging about it, because this is my little corner of the web and I'm allowed to write to my heart's content.***

We sang a song at church this morning and it was but one line that shook me up and left me feeling a bit off balance. We were all sitting(yes sitting there, we didn't even stand once to sing today)in our normal "spots" in the sanctuary, always making it easy to see who is and who isn't there of course, but that's really besides the point, right?, because we were all just sitting there within the comforts of our friends and families half-heartedly(or at least I know I was)uttering in a melodious tune "The suffering children are safe in the Father's arms". Oh, really? Are they? Are they safe in the Father's arms?, well only naturally, but in all reality we are the Father's arms, the hands and feet of God. If the suffering children really are safe, why aren't they within the walls of this building we call our church each Sunday? Tell me that, because I am not okay with this at all. While I'm getting up each Sunday spending way too much time on my appearance when I should be focusing more on preparing my heart, and singing songs that say "The suffering children are in the Father's arms"...while I'm doing all of that, there are suffering children right outside the doors of this building we call a church that I feel quite certain don't feel safe in the Father's arms. And yet I can stand(or sit)there Sunday after Sunday perfectly aware of what is beyond all of the music and still be completely unmoved by this startling reality. Jesus, break my heart until it moves my hands and feet.

It makes me feel uneasy that this building I've called "church" for as long as I can remember only holds memories from my earliest years of VBS up to the present years of youth group games of "Sardines". I've pretty much grown up with the same familiar faces every Sunday since I was a small child, of course some have disappeared along the way and some have been added as well. And don't get me wrong, all of the new faces that have accumulated over the years, they are all such blessings! But what bothers me is that when they came to our church they were already believers, they were already safe in the Father's arms, our arms...I don't have very many memories at all of "suffering children" finding safety in the Father's arms...finding safety in this building we call a church.( Now, before I continue rambling on about all of this, let me set one thing straight...the "suffering children" in my mind are not limited to just being children, "suffering children" are ALL the people  who are suffering and go day after day without knowing what true love is because "The Church" is inside the building singing things like "The suffering are safe in the Father's arms". and This building we call a church, it is just a building. The people within this building, they are the church and they're obviously not doing something right, I'm not doing something right.

It bothers me that the bathrooms in our church just got re-applianced(not really sure if that's a word)not too long ago, but the mother down the street doesn't have enough money to buy her children food or clothes. Deuteronomy 14:27 says,(In the passage about tithing) "And do not forget the Levites living in your towns, for they have no allotment or inheritance of their own". And then it goes on from there talking about bringing your tithes(in this specific time period the tithes were ten percent of the produce from your field or produce exchanged for silver) into your towns and verse 29 says, "...so that the Levites(who have no allotment or inheritance of their own) and the aliens, the fatherless and the widows who live in your towns may come and eat and be satisfied, and so that the Lord your God may bless you in all the work of your hands". Not sure that God is too concerned with the toilets at our church as much as He is about that mother down the street that might one day be able to use our bathrooms if we only reached out to her. And I'm not saying that fixing something is necessarily a bad thing and I'm not saying that our church doesn't reach out...All I'm saying is that we should at least be thinking about the mother first and more often rather than first thinking about what needs to be "fixed or updated". And whenever we pray for our tithes and offerings, I have heard the prayer offered up as "......to further your Kingdom"...I believe the day our giving budget outweighs our spending budget, that will be the day the church actually becomes "The Church". I'm part of the church too, so it weighs just as heavy on my shoulders as it does yours. I'm not perfect, I'm 17 and I'm not always faithful in my tithing as I should be. But what if I decided to step outside the walls of our church and lay my heart and money into the hands of a needy stranger instead of the red velvet lined offering plate? Let me tell you what would happen, I would feel more comfortable doing that.

This building we call a church, it is nothing but a building dressed up with a cross on top to make people feel like they have a sense of purpose and safety...and that is all. The people within the building.. that is the actual "Church", it is within the hearts and lives of others that we actually have purpose and safety. We question why the congregation isn't growing, isn't changing, and isn't improving...It's like we expect the pretty cross on the steeple to magically draw people in. The building can't up and leave and reach out to others, but the people within the church can, but only if we stop singing songs like "The suffering are in the Father's arms" because the harsh reality is those "suffering children" who are supposedly in "The Father's arms" are dying, being abused, witnessing horrible things, starving, turning to prostitution and drugs, and going one more day without the love that each one of us holds within our hearts because we won't extend our lives out to them.
I think it's time to step outside of  the doors...even if just opening the doors is the first step. It's time to leave our own shoes and coats at the alter rather than aimlessly sending up prayers and seeking answers on how to provide for others. We are so blessed, but we are so very blind. I know I am.

Before I die...do everything on my bucket list.

I have officially created a "bucket list", the things that I want to do before I die. And while all of these dreams and goals come from diverse angles, I truly believe that each one of them will challenge my life and the lives of many others in some way. Yea. Okay. So maybe that was a lie, and maybe I'm not MissHoityToitySaveTheWorldWithEveryBreathIBreathe. Hello, my name is Lahni Techau and I am an adrenaline/pleasure/do-random-things-just-to-say-I've-done-them junkie(with a healthy dose of compassion for others). Here we go...

Before I die...
I want to finish an entire coloring book.*I want to become YouTube famous.*Write and publish at least one book.*Get a small tatoo that means a lot.*Kiss at the top of a ferris wheel.*Make a wish at the trevi fountain in Rome(and while I'm at it, I might as well go for a swim).*I want to sleep under the stars and go skinny dipping *again*...because let me tell you, it is quite exhilerating and one time is certainly not enough for one lifetime.*I want to order dessert first at a restaurant.*Learn fluent sign language(One time this lady came through my grocery line and signed thank-you and I'm pretty sure my "your-welcome" was somewhat equivalent to the catholic hand thing they do before eating a meal...I never saw her again).*Make a cross country road trip(Mads, I'm so making this a trip to your house!!!).*Adopt a precious life.*Find the perfect wedding dress and a pair of perfect jeans would be nice too.*Learn a crazy complicated song on the piano.*Write my own song on the piano.*Stand under the Hollywood sign.*Ride a gondola.*Take someone else's drink at Starbuck's on purpose.*Take a homeless person out to dinner.*Master a British Accent.*Write something meaningful in wet cement.*Spend an entire day watching Disney movies.*Buy all of the gumballs out of a machine(even though I hate gum...I just think this would be really wonderful).*Change someone's life.*Go cliff jumping.*Witness a birth.*I want to open a small artsy coffee shop...the coffee might taste terrible because I know nothing about coffee except the fact that it is soincredibly good and that Starbuck's is the cause of my addiction...But none of that would matter because the atmosphere would be cozy and create the perfect setting for many special relationships and bonds to be formed, which is more important anyway and would make me happy...let me dream.*I want to build a blanket fort with someone I love.*Live to meet my children's children.*Say "I Do".*Lay down in a field of daisies.*Watch fireworks while swimming in the ocean.*Have my own star in the sky.*Carve my name into a tree.*Attend a masquerade.*Kiss in the rain.*Have someone win me a giant stuffed animal...I know, how cliche, right?*I want to cross a really scary rope bridge in the jungle.*I want to take cute kissing pictures in one of those photobooth thingies.*Have someone make me breakfast in bed.*Send a message in a bottle.*See a famous ballet.*Get ice-cream from an ice-cream truck(my mother never allowed such a luxury)*I want to ride in a hot air balloon.*Shoot a gun.*Run a marathon for a cause I'm passionate about.*Insert innapropriate bucket list item here.*Save a life.*Have an 11:11 wish come true.*Make a quilt.*Sing at a karaoke bar.*Hike a mountain.*Visit women from different cultures and learn from them.*Grow a garden and from it eat my own food.*Dance in the streets of a foriegn land.*Learn to listen more actively, paitently, and compassionately.*Sleep on an overnight train.*Forgive more.*Stop apologizing unnecessarily.*Have beautiful children with someone I love.*Create my own family traditions.*Renew my wedding vow's at my 10 year anniversary.*Wash someone's feet like Jesus did.*Cook an entire Thanksgiving meal from scratch.*Mud wrestle.*Love someone fiercely and passionately and grow old with them.*Witness an eclipse.*Learn to salsa dance.*Take a bike tour through wine country.*Go hunting(seriously, I live in Kentucky).*Go horseback riding along the beach.*Learn how to ballroom dance.*Ride a mechanical bull.*Go Zorbing(rolling downhill inside an inflatable ball).*Create a home with an inviting, joyous, comfortable, loving atmosphere.*Have a cozy small house with a breakfast nook.*Have fruit trees in my yard.*Be a spectator at the Sundance film festival.*Conquer my fear of putting the freakin' worm on the hook.*

Hellen Keller once said, "Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all". I think she was right.

Love Comes.

"Love comes when manipulation stops; when you think more about the other person than about his or her reactions to you. When you dare to reveal yourself fully, when you dare to be vulnerable. To love at all is to be vulnerable. ~ C.S. Lewis

Okay. So first of all, I think we can all agree that C.S. Lewis was an insanely incredible man. His unique views and rare takes on life always leave me challenging my own thoughts and perceptions on this strange world. I am indeed a strong advocate for this man and think that everyone sometime in their life should read at least one C.S. Lewis book. Man, to have a mind like his..........

One could easily assume that the quote above is talking about two lovers, and while I don't disagree with that, I certainly don't think that two lovers is all this quote is limited to. I see so much more within those three sentences. I see myself and my daily struggle of loving people with genuine intention. Loving people is hard sometimes and there are definitely people that are hard to love. It's something that I triumph in and it's something that I fail in, much more the latter unfortunately. But I try, because I believe everyone deserves love.

My deepest desire is that my love be REAL & GENUINE, reaching out to the ones who are walking along side me, and just as important, the ones who are not. This is never an easy standard for me to live up to though because I have been instilled with fear each time someone has not accepted my love. I have learned that loving passionately doesn't always mean that you will be passionately loved back and that is a hard thing. C.S. Lewis challenges us with the idea that love will come when we focus more on reaching out to someone simply because they deserve it, rather than focusing on their reactions (good or bad) towards us after extending our hearts to them. He thrives on the idea that love will come when we choose to take the risk of truly revealing our hearts to someone even if it means that we will experience hurt. He even suggests that we should be okay with this, this reality that we may get hurt. But he reveals to us that through all of this love will come...

..And I think he is right, love will come. Reflecting on the past brings me to this realization that LOVE COMES, always. I know that when I have loved out of the deepest part of my heart, a C.S. Lewis kind of love, I am always blessed from it even if the person on the recieveing end isn't or doesn't seem to show it. Loving people, though it can be very challenging sometimes, brings joy to my heart. It doesn't matter that I don't always feel loved in return, and though that can be hard sometimes, I can only hope that I had a positive influence in someone's life, even if for a moment. People do come around, it can take time, but sometimes there are stories of redemption, and that's what keeps me going. Everyone deserves to love and be loved and if by God's love He continues to give me the strength to keep on loving out of a genuine place, I will...because love comes, it truly does come.

I stumbled upon beautiful.

I stumbled upon beautiful the other day. Actually, I've been stumbling over beautiful a lot lately. The strange thing though is that it hasn't looked like the beautiful I've blindly come to accept in the past. It didn't look like the irrepressibly-thin model spread out on the page of that magazine. Nor did it look like Taylor Lautner in the latest movie of The Twilight Saga. And it didn't look like the girl walking out of the gym whose hair is still perfectly in place after an hour run or the guy who looks and smells like he just walked off a poster hanging in Hollister. It hasn't looked like any of this--the beautiful I'm used to obsessing over.

The father at church Sunday morning sharing his weaknesses and struggles in front of the entire church, completely unveiling himself to us and wanting to move forward. I stumbled upon beautiful. The elderly man at my boyfriend's church who asked for prayer & then poured out his heart before the Lord with tears rolling down his face. I stumbled upon beautiful. My friend who has experienced pain in such a deep way in her young life, yet still looks heavenward with a secure hope in her heart. I stumbled upon beautiful. The sweet little girl Sunday morning who sings to God at such a young and innocent age. I stumbled upon beautiful.

And that is what it looked liked. People who have endured so much in their lives and are willing to be imperfect, being REAL AND TRANSPARENT with themselves and those around them. They don't try and act like they have it all together and they don't hide behind a mask. Because this dehumanizing act of pretending we are perfect when we are not, what is so beautiful about this? And I am one of them, striving for an "unrealistic beautiful" has dominated a number of my days that I am not proud of. But God is patient with me and everyday He is opening my eyes to what he sees as beautiful...And I know he sees beautiful in their lives. They are the ones who show me beautiful, they remind me and for that I am thankful.

I think this quote sums up what I am trying to say...
"The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen."

For.The.Greater.

"Remember it is because He loves us that He waits. Immediate intervention would abort the far greater thing He has in mind. Trust Him for the greater ."~Elisabeth Elliot

I am a quote-a-holic. Actually, that four word statement(that is of course assuming quote-a-holic is one word) is probably much too vague when describing me. I'm more of a hastobethegreatestquoteever-a-holic, because it's true, I refuse to besiege one's mind with quotes like, "Don't let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game"(I mean most people that have ever read that quote don't even play sports, so it's really not even relevant to their lives, ya know?). The kind of quotes I love finding(...of course finding them by total accident, because what kind of loser spends precious time on Pinterest searching for great quotes??haha--*I'm working on it*) , it has to really spark some thought and insight on my part or I don't look twice( my theory is if it's really hard to understand, more than likely someone like Gandhi wrote it--not someone out on the field playing a a game of baseball--by the way I'm definitely just kidding, I'm sure there are plenty of great baseball/sport players out there whose minds are just as intelligent as any philosopher out there:D). Anywayyyys, my point really is that the quote above by Elisabeth Elliot has made my list of quotes & that says a lot.

On a more serious note...
This quote definitely sparked the thought and insight I enjoy challenging myself with. How does this quote apply to my life? How does it make a difference to me now that I have read it rather than if I had never stumbled upon it today? (Which just in case you were wondering, I really did JUST stumble upon it...I promise there was no Pinterest involved this time:D) After reading this quote a few times, all I could think of is how very fast time is going by. And it is. At a rate that I can't wrap my mind around and it kind of scares me. In almost exactly 4 months, I will have completed my junior year of high school and will be about to embark upon a summer of many changes. It will be the last summer before I graduate, it will be the summer my sister gets married, it will be the summer before my best friend goes off to college, no longer being able to see her practically everyday like I have been for the past 10 years. It will be a summer of traveling and serving and loving, but it's going to be a hard one. When did this happen? When did I start running out of time? When did I start growing up and start fearing the future? Because that is what's happening or at least has been until recently. I have grown up my whole life hearing "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future", but lately I have been so blind to that. I have been fearful because it feels like time is running out and I don't know what HIS plans are yet. I don't know what I am supposed to do or where I am supposed to go. I try to figure all of this out and yet still I end up in the same moment I was when I started out...

Last night, I pulled out an old box from underneath my bed & in it held 2 letters written by my 15 year-old self. Letters about my life at the time, struggles I was dealing with & joys that I had almost forgotten about. Reading them last night, almost 3 years later, it brought me to tears. I was so overwhelmed with what I was looking at on those pieces of notebook paper, and thinking about how far I have come since then was really bittersweet. But in that same moment, I was filled with hope for the future because in between the date written on those envelopes and the date on the screen of my phone lying there on the floor last night..in between it all lay 3 years of spells of waiting and outcomes of true greatness that have brought me to today. Last night, I was reminded that waiting doesn't mean you won't ever find or figure something out, it just means that something greater will come. Last night and then reading that quote today was such a needed reminder in my life. I am excited to see what the future holds, I am trusting Him for the greater.

Leave It All Behind & Embrace.

Tonight is not about reflecting on 2011. Of course I'll always keep the beauty tucked away within my heart and the scars just visible enough to remind me of what has made me stronger, but ultimately tonight is about embracing 2012. This morning I woke up after a long night spent with friends and family who all had the same longing as myself--hope for the year to come. Nine O' Clock came much too early for this night owl and to be quite honest rolling out of bed for church didn't seem all too appealing in that moment. Despite the way I felt and after hitting the snooze button a few more times( because let me tell you, 10 minutes longer does make ALL the difference), I finally surrendered the warmth and security of my cozy bed, decided that wearing my purple dress and brown boots would make it all worth it, and got ready in 30 minutes(which by the way is a milestone for me because it usually takes me twice as much time). I hopped in my car just like any other Sunday, rolled the windows down, turned David Crowder up to the max volume, ran the same stop sign I always do and wondered why I decided to go. I felt no different than I had the day before, what was the point? Today I woke up and made a decision, a decision to do something even though I didn't want to---and, seriously turned out to be the best decision I've made all year(literally:D). I was beyond blessed by this morning's church service. The message gently touched my heart and the challenge to leave it all behind had me on my knees at the alter surrounded by other precious lives that decided to take on this same challenge. The song playing in the backround spoke such powerful words and I know God brought healing to each of our hearts in just the right places. It was such a beautiful moment...
Today I walked out of the same doors of the same church I have walked out of every Sunday for the past 365 days. Today I found myself back to day 1 and walking out of those doors was different--a good different. And so that is what this new year is about, it is about the differences and beautiful moments in life. It is about waking up and doing things that  we don't want to do, yet maybe those things will be just the things we were meant to do and that make all the difference in our lives. It is about stepping outside of our comfort zones and risking everything we are to live passionately, and not just for ourselves, but for others. This year is about taking a step back and realizing that happiness does indeed lie within ourselves, but that that same happiness doesn't change a thing in our lives until it is shared with others, until it makes a difference in someone else's life. This year is about loving more no matter how hard it may be, laughing longer, opening our hearts up without reserves, letting people in no matter how scared we are, and embracing--embracing this crazy beautiful life. This year is about time. It is about taking it day by day and accepting the fact that life is short and fragile and that we aren't promised a tomorrow. This year is about counting our blessings and realizing that someone out there tonight has no hope and will continue for the next 364 days without hope unless we add others to our list of resolutions this year.

I believe in living and loving unequivocally. I believe that that driving with the volume up and the windows down(even if it messes up your hair) is totally worth it. I believe keeping Christmas lights strung up from your ceilng year round is perfectly acceptable. I believe camping out in your backyard with your bestfriends is the only way to spend summer nights. I believe in dancing until you can't dance anymore. I believe in running to the top of a hill just to watch the sunset(even though you can see it from the bottom). I believe in laughing until you cry. I believe in heart to hearts with your best friends. I believe in watching scary movies(even though I have to sleep with my sisters after). I believe in wearing a hoodie and jeans(when you really want to dress up) or the other way around--wearing a cute little dress and heels(when really you are dying to be comfortable). I believe in eating too many pretzel m & m's(and then feeling reallllly guilty about it). I believe in spraying 2 squirts of perfume instead of one. I believe in being late when the situation allows. I believe in being early too. I believe in singing at the top of my lungs no matter who hears me. I believe in painting your nails all one color except for one. I believe in life and the little things that make it beautiful. I believe EVERYONE deserves to experience their own LITTLE THINGS and I believe they should experience those things this year. I believe it starts with hope and that hope begins with us. It begins this new year--tonight.

This year is about embracing--ourselves and others.


Love the words to this song. Leave it all behind. I can do that this year...

today i was a conformist. i may have enjoyed it--just a little:)

Today i was indeed a conformist. I usually don't encourage this type of behavior.smile. In fact I'm the quirky girl who wears her bun on top of her head with shorts, flower rain boots and striped socks coming up to her thighs to youth group on wednesday nights--when it's 50 degrees outside. So you see, I'm usually not in habbit of conforming--no matter how cold it is outside;) But today was not like most days and i opted to conform. I purchased a hair feather...yes i did. I'm actually pretty sure just last week i was bashing this popular new fad, but something came over me and i gave in:) Still not quite sure if this is a good thing or if i'll be able to pull it off--but it sure felt nice.

By the way, the lovely picture at the top--that was all my amazing sister ashlyn who was totally blessed with photography skills:)