***NOTE TO MY READERS: This post highly reflects my oppinion of this building I, we, and you call a church. Be aware that you may not like what I have to say(especially if you go to CFCOG), but also be aware that I do not care what you think of me after you read this.(People, I went to the grocery store last night in weather inappropriate clothing and listened to my music EXTREMELY loud with the windows down while an elder from my church was in the driving lane next to me, I simply do not care what others think of me). This is something that has been bothering me and so I'm blogging about it, because this is my little corner of the web and I'm allowed to write to my heart's content.***
We sang a song at church this morning and it was but one line that shook me up and left me feeling a bit off balance. We were all sitting(yes sitting there, we didn't even stand once to sing today)in our normal "spots" in the sanctuary, always making it easy to see who is and who isn't there of course, but that's really besides the point, right?, because we were all just sitting there within the comforts of our friends and families half-heartedly(or at least I know I was)uttering in a melodious tune "The suffering children are safe in the Father's arms". Oh, really? Are they? Are they safe in the Father's arms?, well only naturally, but in all reality we are the Father's arms, the hands and feet of God. If the suffering children really are safe, why aren't they within the walls of this building we call our church each Sunday? Tell me that, because I am not okay with this at all. While I'm getting up each Sunday spending way too much time on my appearance when I should be focusing more on preparing my heart, and singing songs that say "The suffering children are in the Father's arms"...while I'm doing all of that, there are suffering children right outside the doors of this building we call a church that I feel quite certain don't feel safe in the Father's arms. And yet I can stand(or sit)there Sunday after Sunday perfectly aware of what is beyond all of the music and still be completely unmoved by this startling reality. Jesus, break my heart until it moves my hands and feet.
It makes me feel uneasy that this building I've called "church" for as long as I can remember only holds memories from my earliest years of VBS up to the present years of youth group games of "Sardines". I've pretty much grown up with the same familiar faces every Sunday since I was a small child, of course some have disappeared along the way and some have been added as well. And don't get me wrong, all of the new faces that have accumulated over the years, they are all such blessings! But what bothers me is that when they came to our church they were already believers, they were already safe in the Father's arms, our arms...I don't have very many memories at all of "suffering children" finding safety in the Father's arms...finding safety in this building we call a church.( Now, before I continue rambling on about all of this, let me set one thing straight...the "suffering children" in my mind are not limited to just being children, "suffering children" are ALL the people who are suffering and go day after day without knowing what true love is because "The Church" is inside the building singing things like "The suffering are safe in the Father's arms". and This building we call a church, it is just a building. The people within this building, they are the church and they're obviously not doing something right, I'm not doing something right.
It bothers me that the bathrooms in our church just got re-applianced(not really sure if that's a word)not too long ago, but the mother down the street doesn't have enough money to buy her children food or clothes. Deuteronomy 14:27 says,(In the passage about tithing) "And do not forget the Levites living in your towns, for they have no allotment or inheritance of their own". And then it goes on from there talking about bringing your tithes(in this specific time period the tithes were ten percent of the produce from your field or produce exchanged for silver) into your towns and verse 29 says, "...so that the Levites(who have no allotment or inheritance of their own) and the aliens, the fatherless and the widows who live in your towns may come and eat and be satisfied, and so that the Lord your God may bless you in all the work of your hands". Not sure that God is too concerned with the toilets at our church as much as He is about that mother down the street that might one day be able to use our bathrooms if we only reached out to her. And I'm not saying that fixing something is necessarily a bad thing and I'm not saying that our church doesn't reach out...All I'm saying is that we should at least be thinking about the mother first and more often rather than first thinking about what needs to be "fixed or updated". And whenever we pray for our tithes and offerings, I have heard the prayer offered up as "......to further your Kingdom"...I believe the day our giving budget outweighs our spending budget, that will be the day the church actually becomes "The Church". I'm part of the church too, so it weighs just as heavy on my shoulders as it does yours. I'm not perfect, I'm 17 and I'm not always faithful in my tithing as I should be. But what if I decided to step outside the walls of our church and lay my heart and money into the hands of a needy stranger instead of the red velvet lined offering plate? Let me tell you what would happen, I would feel more comfortable doing that.
This building we call a church, it is nothing but a building dressed up with a cross on top to make people feel like they have a sense of purpose and safety...and that is all. The people within the building.. that is the actual "Church", it is within the hearts and lives of others that we actually have purpose and safety. We question why the congregation isn't growing, isn't changing, and isn't improving...It's like we expect the pretty cross on the steeple to magically draw people in. The building can't up and leave and reach out to others, but the people within the church can, but only if we stop singing songs like "The suffering are in the Father's arms" because the harsh reality is those "suffering children" who are supposedly in "The Father's arms" are dying, being abused, witnessing horrible things, starving, turning to prostitution and drugs, and going one more day without the love that each one of us holds within our hearts because we won't extend our lives out to them.
I think it's time to step outside of the doors...even if just opening the doors is the first step. It's time to leave our own shoes and coats at the alter rather than aimlessly sending up prayers and seeking answers on how to provide for others. We are so blessed, but we are so very blind. I know I am.
Sunday, February 12, 2012
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Before I die...do everything on my bucket list.
Before I die...
I want to finish an entire coloring book.*I want to become YouTube famous.*Write and publish at least one book.*Get a small tatoo that means a lot.*Kiss at the top of a ferris wheel.*Make a wish at the trevi fountain in Rome(and while I'm at it, I might as well go for a swim).*I want to sleep under the stars and go skinny dipping *again*...because let me tell you, it is quite exhilerating and one time is certainly not enough for one lifetime.*I want to order dessert first at a restaurant.*Learn fluent sign language(One time this lady came through my grocery line and signed thank-you and I'm pretty sure my "your-welcome" was somewhat equivalent to the catholic hand thing they do before eating a meal...I never saw her again).*Make a cross country road trip(Mads, I'm so making this a trip to your house!!!).*Adopt a precious life.*Find the perfect wedding dress and a pair of perfect jeans would be nice too.*Learn a crazy complicated song on the piano.*Write my own song on the piano.*Stand under the Hollywood sign.*Ride a gondola.*Take someone else's drink at Starbuck's on purpose.*Take a homeless person out to dinner.*Master a British Accent.*Write something meaningful in wet cement.*Spend an entire day watching Disney movies.*Buy all of the gumballs out of a machine(even though I hate gum...I just think this would be really wonderful).*Change someone's life.*Go cliff jumping.*Witness a birth.*I want to open a small artsy coffee shop...the coffee might taste terrible because I know nothing about coffee except the fact that it is soincredibly good and that Starbuck's is the cause of my addiction...But none of that would matter because the atmosphere would be cozy and create the perfect setting for many special relationships and bonds to be formed, which is more important anyway and would make me happy...let me dream.*I want to build a blanket fort with someone I love.*Live to meet my children's children.*Say "I Do".*Lay down in a field of daisies.*Watch fireworks while swimming in the ocean.*Have my own star in the sky.*Carve my name into a tree.*Attend a masquerade.*Kiss in the rain.*Have someone win me a giant stuffed animal...I know, how cliche, right?*I want to cross a really scary rope bridge in the jungle.*I want to take cute kissing pictures in one of those photobooth thingies.*Have someone make me breakfast in bed.*Send a message in a bottle.*See a famous ballet.*Get ice-cream from an ice-cream truck(my mother never allowed such a luxury)*I want to ride in a hot air balloon.*Shoot a gun.*Run a marathon for a cause I'm passionate about.*Insert innapropriate bucket list item here.*Save a life.*Have an 11:11 wish come true.*Make a quilt.*Sing at a karaoke bar.*Hike a mountain.*Visit women from different cultures and learn from them.*Grow a garden and from it eat my own food.*Dance in the streets of a foriegn land.*Learn to listen more actively, paitently, and compassionately.*Sleep on an overnight train.*Forgive more.*Stop apologizing unnecessarily.*Have beautiful children with someone I love.*Create my own family traditions.*Renew my wedding vow's at my 10 year anniversary.*Wash someone's feet like Jesus did.*Cook an entire Thanksgiving meal from scratch.*Mud wrestle.*Love someone fiercely and passionately and grow old with them.*Witness an eclipse.*Learn to salsa dance.*Take a bike tour through wine country.*Go hunting(seriously, I live in Kentucky).*Go horseback riding along the beach.*Learn how to ballroom dance.*Ride a mechanical bull.*Go Zorbing(rolling downhill inside an inflatable ball).*Create a home with an inviting, joyous, comfortable, loving atmosphere.*Have a cozy small house with a breakfast nook.*Have fruit trees in my yard.*Be a spectator at the Sundance film festival.*Conquer my fear of putting the freakin' worm on the hook.*
Hellen Keller once said, "Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all". I think she was right.
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